Dont Stop at CRAZY..
Seriously! Do not let this be the end of your story. I can tell you that being crazy is real but doesn't have to define you or be, "all you wrote." Here is a piece from my book where crazy defined me for a while...
I sat on this chair for prayer and my prayer warriors made a circle around me. They started praying. What was supposed to be a house-warming party for my sweet friend was really a house-warming party for Jesus to take back the throne in my heart. They sealed it. It was done. I was restored and ready for war. I remember opening up to them about how Satan was stealing my heart. I remember crying out, why does this hurt so much. Darla, my sweet Darla. She said this “God is allowing these circumstances in your life because you are being refined like gold.” Then they invited me to do this really incredible bible story about this girl who was in this movie, “War Room.” I was like…shut the front door. The what? What is this? My angel told me about this movie but I hadn’t had a chance to go see it. What? I was feeling all the supernatural things God was trying to show me. Me and one of my best friends and prayer superstar went and saw it. That night. My angel was right. It set things in motion. It changed the ball-game. It changed my perspective. Sunday, at church Darla said she had a dream of me wearing armor, like a warrior. (In my head, I’m remembering God telling me I was a warrior). I am starting to remember. Still didn’t know what this bible study was about but I was in. I was going. I knew God had his hands all up in it. I was sold. They warned me though. They said, if you are going to do it. You need to make a commitment right now. Because this one….well, it’s going to sound an alarm to Satan. You are going to be his target. So make a commitment right now. You are either going to give your word you won’t miss a session or you don’t come at all. I made the commitment and sealed the deal. Still didn’t know the name of the book but I was in. Saw the movie but clueless about the study was on. I know.
I had to pause here because I am completely overwhelmed by the amount of peace this has brought to me. The places this led me. The darkest parts of my life. The very thing that was going to destroy me was all brought together in this perfect storm. God used this to heal me. Not just heal me. Make me brand new. I learned how to fight. I learned to surrender. I learned we do not fight against flesh and blood but rulers of this world and evil in heavenly places. I learned that these circumstances were designed to take me out and hand-crafted; personalized attacks. Can I just tell you there is freedom in surrender? Let me fast forward to now. I am almost finished with the study. We are still working. However, my revelation happened this week and that is monumental. So much good has happened during the course of this. So much that I just want to get right to the biggest thing that is going to blow your socks off.
I learned how to pray for my enemies. I learned that they were not the enemy but just being used by the enemy. I learned that I needed to pray blessings upon blessings and pray for their salvation. I learned that God loves all his children. Lost or Found. He loves them all. He wants them all. He wants them all to live in his blessings. Even through the trials of this life. So over the past 10 weeks I have learned how to pray over everything. I have prayed things into existence. I have learned to count my answered prayers. Even the little ones. I write them down and when I am feeling defeated I start reading them out-loud. I have learned my strategy to fight the devil.
This part is crazy faith mixed with amazing grace.
I did an outreach serving in our community and on my way home I remembered a promise God gave me the day before. He said, expect a blessing tomorrow. The day was almost done and I had been completely filled up with blessings all day but this was something tangible he made that very clear. I, in my humanly flesh, cried out to him…God, you promised. I didn’t entertain this stupidity very long though because I refuse an entry in my heart to the enemy, now. I have learned. I got home and my mom was there. I was partially embarrassed because Aaron had called and told her how much debt we were in. I was mad. I was a brat. I was like, this… is not a blessing. I was disturbed. But then. My mom is really a warrior too. She said, I am only asking because I am here to help you. I am not going to go into too much detail but she told me later that the Lord had put it on her to bless me that day. She said, I wasn’t coming there to pay your bills.” God put that on my heart. She was obedient. We had faithfully chosen to tithe over the past few months. We drew that line in the sand, remember? We had been faced that week with tithing or paying some bills. My mom came and she paid those bills. Not because we needed her to. Not because she planned to. But because God wanted her to. I was blessed beyond measure. It wasn’t because she was paying my bills it was because I was overwhelmed and flowing with his kisses. He is faithful. Always. Never changing. As if that wasn’t enough. God wasn’t done yet.
I had been praying now faithfully, fiercely for a lot of things. One of them was a font. I know that sounds really weird but I design jewelry and fonts are VERY expensive and I had sold 3 of mine over the summer to help us financially and because I was going to quit my business, remember? So, I had been surrendering every single area of my life over to God. Even the dark places. I was also honest about what I wanted, what I desired. But it needed to be his will. Not mine. Mind you, I forgot I had been praying about this. The group buy for the font was over. I gave it to the Lord. I “girded” myself and tucked it away. Maybe after Christmas, I thought. It was really okay. I want you to know I honestly was not upset by that “un-answered” prayer. I wanted to live in victory for Him, not me. I knew this was not really a need. It could wait.
Can I just tell you that God wanted me to know that he was listening to my prayer request that I had made to him? He wanted to increase my faith. Not because he needed to. He wanted to. I had been, secretly (to God only) been surrendering my business to him. I told him that if he didn’t want me to do this business that I was willing to give it up. I would live for him all the days of my life. If he wanted me on mission wherever, I was ready. I was willing. I laid it all down to him. My biggest dream. I gave it back to him. So, my mom is sitting there and she is like, let’s order pizza. So we did. We went to the store to get drinks. She said, “Where is a x bank?” I was like, I don’t know, why? Can’t you just go on your way home? It did not occur to me what was happening. I was still mesmerized by what just happened. Me and my “bug” and nana banana were getting sour patch exploders and dr. pepper. It was a really good day. All of a sudden, we pull up to this x bank. She rolls down her window and I turned and looked at my “bug” and I said, I love you so much. In the background I hear this song that captivates me. It just kept saying, “this is grace” over and over. I am caught up to what is happening and my mom, turns and looks at me. She hands me $1,000.00 and said, “I don’t want you to quit this business because you are putting scriptures out in the world. People are reading it in places they wouldn’t have otherwise.” In that very moment. I melted. I was speechless. I was flooded with tears. All I could hear is, “this is grace” and it was grace. I was so happy to order that font the next day. I named it nana banana after my mom. She is our “Nana Banana” that is what my kids call her. I think I was overflowing with tears for hours. Overwhelmed. Overflowed. More importantly, God answered my prayer to him about this business. He didn’t want me to quit.
Don’t put the tissues up just yet….
Read more on some other pieces!